yes, i'm still here. yes, i survived summer with 3 kids at home...alone. things i didn't do...anything that required alone time. it was a fun summer but i am glad to be getting back on a schedule. so hopefully that means i'll be blogging a bit more than say, none. i'm still trying to figure out what i want to do here. this has been kind of my outlet from mommydom and i like that. so i may post some about happenings in our house but mostly, i'm not sure our life is exciting enough to merit reading. not that my random thoughts merit reading but sometimes i just need to get them out! so let me tell you about my recent conversion....
let me be clear here. i despise minivans. i'm not sure if it is one word or two and i don't care b/c i hate them. they are the ultimate mom mobile. and not that i mind a mom mobile per say, but i do mind looking like a complete geek while driving around. if i'm going to have to endure my kids treating my car like a trash can with their empty juice boxes, stray goldfish, mushed up raisins in the carpet, and lord help us if we don't bring a toy every time we get in the car, then i think i deserve to drive a car that is respectable looking on the outside. no, rephrase, i NEED a car that looks good on the outside. i can't let the world know that i'm really just a frazzled mom of three that typically has all cup holders filled with half empty cups on any given day. but then....
i had to have some work done on my car which left me with a rental for 9 days. when i got to the rental company there waiting for me in all its heinous glory was a white minivan. oh sweet lord. are you kidding me? not only do i have to drive this dustbuster, it has to be as white as the sun? that shouldn't draw attention at all. so i get the keys and i notice there's this button on the keyless entry that has the sliding doors on it, so i press it. magically, as if from a fairytale, the doors open by themselves and my kids get in. no climbing over seats, no arguing about who can get in first. well, i'm still skeptical....for only 24 hrs. after 1 day of driving this gleaming white bullet of a car, i am IN LOVE!!! i want to shout it from the rooftops: "I'M A MINI LOVER!!!!!" not only do i not have to open anyone else's door but my own, i have more room around my seat, i'm not being bounced around like in the suburban and my kids think this car is the greatest! my 6 yr old got in for the first time and said "Mom, i can't believe this car has country music too!" yes it does, son. yes it does. well, obviously he was not aware that our suburban did not have the patent on country music, but it was really funny when he said it. so i will be the first to admit i shouldn't have knocked it until i tried it. i wish i could trade my car in for one but unfortunately the green monster does not bear as much value as the minivan i would want. what, no one wants the melted starburst in the carpet? scratches on the side of the car from when i brushed by a street sign? no takers? these just mean the green monster has "character", friends. so to all my minivan driving friends, i apologize for judging you based on appearance alone. i now realize how terribly wrong i was....i mean, i still think they're geeky-looking, but once you get inside it no longer matters b/c you are no longer physically exhausted from getting kids in and out of the car. and this is worth all the geekiness in the world to me.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
last day
so today was day 40. the last day of the experiment. when i woke up this morning i prayed that God would show me what he wanted me to do today. i always get a bit nervous about that b/c you never know what God's going to lead you in to. but as i was driving something dawned on me. the road i take almost every day to run errands was badly damaged by the flood. after the flood, i think it was closed for about 3 weeks b/c there were huge mudslides on several different parts of the road. and once it reopened, there was still much work to be done. i have seen the same workers out there every day in the blazing hot sun working to cover the hill areas with rock, almost like a retaining wall. moving rock all day in 90-100 degree heat? no thanks. but i'm so grateful they do b/c i literally use this road every day. so i thought what does anyone want on a hot summer day? sonic drinks!! so the kids and i get to sonic just 9 pitiful minutes after happy hour's over. bummer. oh well. so i get some cherry limeades and we're off. so i'm kinda excited thinking about giving these guys a little surprise treat! so i'm getting closer to where the construction is going on and there are no moving backhoes or excavators or anything...yes, i do know sort of what these things are b/c i have boys. oh crap. they're gone. what the heck am i supposed to do with these drinks? one of which has spilled a bit into my console...that won't be sticky. no worries, the stickiness will compliment the goldfish crumbs and mashed in raisins nicely. i was a little bummed that the workers weren't there so i may have to do that another day this week. i'm sure they're job is not one that is appreciated often so it would be nice to give them some sonic love! anyway, i ended up taking the drinks to my husband's work where they were enjoyed thoroughly. i did tell my husband they were not supposed to be the original receivers of this kindness but he didn't seem to mind. so the act of kindness didn't go as planned but at least someone was able to benefit.
so what i've realized in the last 40 days is that 40 days is a long time! how did jesus fast in the wilderness for 40 days? noah was stuck on a boat for 40 days....in the rain. how did these people do it? i had to do 1 little thing a day that many times depended on my circumstances. these people lived in complete chaos for 40 days. you know that boat smelled rancid after day 1! and jesus had to physically starve in the wilderness while satan tempted him. seriously? a piece of cake looks at me and i'm done. i'm very glad to have done this little experiment to honor something that i feel God wanted me to do, but i also enjoyed getting out of my head for a bit. i get so caught up in my own circumstances and life that i rarely take time to look around. it's easy for me to become very self-involved/child-involved. if i get too self-involved, i begin focusing on the things i don't think are right in my life or things i don't like about myself. this make me a much less grateful person. this makes me an uglier person on the inside. when i become too child-involved, i lose myself and my identity. i go into mom mode and forget who i am as a person. i become too focused on this one facet of my life. yes, it is a large facet, but it is still only part of who i am. if i get too into this mode i start thinking,"what am i going to do when they're gone? what if i don't know how to do anything else? i don't know what my passions are, so what am i going to do with myself when there are no kids to take care of?" this is the most frightening place, my friends. to think i have put all my eggs in this basket and one day, those eggs will hatch and the chicks will leave. now all i'm left with is an empty basket. depressing, i know. but when i am others-focused, this is when i am most confident. i have less time to think about my "problems" and more time to think about doing something for someone else. this is an awesome feeling. and let me clarify, the "problems" i'm talking about are silly superficial things like, "man, i wish my house were cuter i.e. clean. man, i wish i had cuter clothes i.e. less back fat to fill my clothes. man, i wish my kids would just listen to me and obey i.e. exactly what i just said, OBEY PLEASE!" these things are minor things that can become major things if i let them. so although i won't be diligently doing intentional acts of kindness daily, i hope to continue it by making an effort to think of others more. i hope to continue blogging but i'm not sure about what. i may try another 40 day experiment but i need to give some thought and prayer to what it should be. if you have any suggestions i'd welcome them...you know, from the 4 people that read this blog. thanks friends!
so what i've realized in the last 40 days is that 40 days is a long time! how did jesus fast in the wilderness for 40 days? noah was stuck on a boat for 40 days....in the rain. how did these people do it? i had to do 1 little thing a day that many times depended on my circumstances. these people lived in complete chaos for 40 days. you know that boat smelled rancid after day 1! and jesus had to physically starve in the wilderness while satan tempted him. seriously? a piece of cake looks at me and i'm done. i'm very glad to have done this little experiment to honor something that i feel God wanted me to do, but i also enjoyed getting out of my head for a bit. i get so caught up in my own circumstances and life that i rarely take time to look around. it's easy for me to become very self-involved/child-involved. if i get too self-involved, i begin focusing on the things i don't think are right in my life or things i don't like about myself. this make me a much less grateful person. this makes me an uglier person on the inside. when i become too child-involved, i lose myself and my identity. i go into mom mode and forget who i am as a person. i become too focused on this one facet of my life. yes, it is a large facet, but it is still only part of who i am. if i get too into this mode i start thinking,"what am i going to do when they're gone? what if i don't know how to do anything else? i don't know what my passions are, so what am i going to do with myself when there are no kids to take care of?" this is the most frightening place, my friends. to think i have put all my eggs in this basket and one day, those eggs will hatch and the chicks will leave. now all i'm left with is an empty basket. depressing, i know. but when i am others-focused, this is when i am most confident. i have less time to think about my "problems" and more time to think about doing something for someone else. this is an awesome feeling. and let me clarify, the "problems" i'm talking about are silly superficial things like, "man, i wish my house were cuter i.e. clean. man, i wish i had cuter clothes i.e. less back fat to fill my clothes. man, i wish my kids would just listen to me and obey i.e. exactly what i just said, OBEY PLEASE!" these things are minor things that can become major things if i let them. so although i won't be diligently doing intentional acts of kindness daily, i hope to continue it by making an effort to think of others more. i hope to continue blogging but i'm not sure about what. i may try another 40 day experiment but i need to give some thought and prayer to what it should be. if you have any suggestions i'd welcome them...you know, from the 4 people that read this blog. thanks friends!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
so i feel bad for not writing in a while but honestly i haven't really felt like i've had anything worth writing about. i've still been doing my kindnesses every day and i have to admit, sometimes i love it and sometimes i don't. sometimes i feel like i have a lot going on with my kids being home for the summer so i don't always want to focus outward. so this experiment has definitely been challenging me to see beyond my schedule for the day and realize blessing someone else's life might actually make my day better in the process (how unselfishly selfish of me). this last statement reminds of the friends episode where joey challenges phoebe to find a selfless good deed b/c every time you do something nice it, usually, makes you feel good too. and joey thought that was selfish b/c you were only doing nice things to make yourself feel good. which, to be honest, is a little bit true. it does make me feel good to do nice things for others. where i get tripped up is when i think these good things are all about making me look or feel a certain way. that's when the devil dangles pride right in front of my face. and pride is an ugly little thing, isn't it? it makes us so puffed up and fools us into thinking we're really good people. when the truth is, we have no good in us except for the good jesus put there. i'm reminded daily of how little good i have in me when i catch myself yelling at my kids, or gossiping, or being short with my husband. these are things that remind me of how much i need jesus' grace b/c he knows i don't deserve it. but i'll take it every day of the week!
so i did a little baking this week b/c who doesn't looove receiving baked goods? so i thought i'd make some peanut butter cookies for some of the men we had working at our house this week. they didn't speak english but they seemed grateful...and confused. they were probably thinking, "this girl just gave us peanut butter cookies with nothing to drink and it's 90 degrees outside! she must be muy loco!" in my defense, i'm pretty sure they had water bottles. i also baked some bread for my neighbor who's having her kitchen renovated. i know how much i would hate to be out of a kitchen and thought she and her husband might enjoy something homemade. when i took it to her she showed me her kitchen and it made me want to cry. there was literally nothing in it besides the floor and the walls. no appliance, no cabinets, no sink, no counters, nothing. she said it's been that way for 6 weeks. and seeing that i would love to redo my kitchen one day, this completely freaks me out! i mean, no kitchen. with 3 kids. come to think of it....my kids would LOVE this!!! they could eat out every night and not have to eat their designated 3 bites for dinner. chicken nuggets, cheese quesadillas, and fish sticks every night, YES! sad, b/c i'm an ok cook. i'm definitely not horrible, my roast could use some work but really i can follow a recipe so my meals usually come out ok. but when your kids don't eat grilled anything, green veggies, casseroles or things with a chicken texture...options are limited. well, i've gotten a bit off task now haven't i? sorry. anyway, i think i may need to invite these neighbors over for dinner sometime soon. and i also think it's about time i get to know some more of my neighbors. we know a few but you never know when you'll need a cup of sugar! til next time...
so i did a little baking this week b/c who doesn't looove receiving baked goods? so i thought i'd make some peanut butter cookies for some of the men we had working at our house this week. they didn't speak english but they seemed grateful...and confused. they were probably thinking, "this girl just gave us peanut butter cookies with nothing to drink and it's 90 degrees outside! she must be muy loco!" in my defense, i'm pretty sure they had water bottles. i also baked some bread for my neighbor who's having her kitchen renovated. i know how much i would hate to be out of a kitchen and thought she and her husband might enjoy something homemade. when i took it to her she showed me her kitchen and it made me want to cry. there was literally nothing in it besides the floor and the walls. no appliance, no cabinets, no sink, no counters, nothing. she said it's been that way for 6 weeks. and seeing that i would love to redo my kitchen one day, this completely freaks me out! i mean, no kitchen. with 3 kids. come to think of it....my kids would LOVE this!!! they could eat out every night and not have to eat their designated 3 bites for dinner. chicken nuggets, cheese quesadillas, and fish sticks every night, YES! sad, b/c i'm an ok cook. i'm definitely not horrible, my roast could use some work but really i can follow a recipe so my meals usually come out ok. but when your kids don't eat grilled anything, green veggies, casseroles or things with a chicken texture...options are limited. well, i've gotten a bit off task now haven't i? sorry. anyway, i think i may need to invite these neighbors over for dinner sometime soon. and i also think it's about time i get to know some more of my neighbors. we know a few but you never know when you'll need a cup of sugar! til next time...
Monday, May 31, 2010
mamaw and turtles
to begin this post, i have to mention that i've been so incredibly blessed to have had all 4 of my grandparents up until this past february when i lost my grandaddy. and because we lived about 30-45 min. away from both sets we saw them a lot growing up. now that one of them has passed, i realize that i've taken them for granted for many years. just kind of assuming they'd always be around. but now that my mamaw is living alone in the house she and my grandaddy shared, i think about her a lot. i don't necessarily worry about her...she's pretty self sufficient and doesn't need any help getting around. but i do think about what it would be like to lose the person you share your day with. my grandparents have been retired for many years, so they were together a lot. they were also married for close to 60 years...unbelievable! so to not have that person around anymore, i think about her not having someone to talk to. she has 4 kids and many grandkids so i know she is well taken care of. but nonetheless, i've been calling her. i try to call in the evening if it's not too terribly crazy at my house b/c i would imagine that's when it gets lonely. when the day is almost done. you've been busying yourself all day and then it's the night...and no one else is there with you anymore. we don't talk about anything too terribly important. but i must say, i really enjoy talking to her! she's quite the funny lady! and i really do wish i had been calling her more regularly throughout my life. she has much wisdom to impart and since i'm her grandkid, she's always encouraging me and telling me how much she loves me...who doesn't love that? anyway, this is one of the things i did this week and really, it felt more like she was blessing me. funny how when you give, it always seems to come back to you.
in other news, i was running this week, yes, running and i saw a turtle in the middle of the road. now, something you have to understand about me is that i'm not really an animal person. i mean, i like dogs, if they're not too big and don't jump all over me. but cats, they can lick themselves into oblivion for all i care. birds, kinda freak me out. bugs, well, i hate them...for some reason i think a cockroach could very literally multiply in size and attack me at any moment. and reptiles, well, they're scaly and just kinda gross. so, when i saw this turtle i stopped for about half a second and thought, "poor guy, maybe i should get him to some grass." then, on second thought, "nah, he'll make it across. this street's not too busy." so i continue my sorry excuse for a run...who knew one could get so out of shape in a little over a month? pathetic, i know. so i take a few ragged strides forward and i look ahead. oh no. the turtle's buddy. very unfortunate fate for this little guy. death by tire smooshing. i turn around and look at the turtle i left behind. guilt seizes me. i run back and say a quick prayer that he won't get a go-go gadget neck to turn and bite me when i pick him up. i pick him up about as far back on the shell as i can get, just in case this is some sort of super turtle with a crane neck (hey, you never know). then i place him in the grass. and yes, this was my act of kindness. lame to some, but for me quite courageous since i totally got the heebie jeebies about picking him up. then i continue on in the torturing of my body and look to my left. there to my left is one of the most horrifying of all of God's creatures. a vulture. waiting for me to pass so he can go dig in to my turtle's buddy (yes, he is now "my" turtle). ewwwwww. if i didn't have the heebies before i definitely have them now! so i run as fast as i can for about 10 seconds just to get away from the massacre that's about to take place. disgusting. but glad at least one turtle was saved from such a brutality. gold star.
in other news, i was running this week, yes, running and i saw a turtle in the middle of the road. now, something you have to understand about me is that i'm not really an animal person. i mean, i like dogs, if they're not too big and don't jump all over me. but cats, they can lick themselves into oblivion for all i care. birds, kinda freak me out. bugs, well, i hate them...for some reason i think a cockroach could very literally multiply in size and attack me at any moment. and reptiles, well, they're scaly and just kinda gross. so, when i saw this turtle i stopped for about half a second and thought, "poor guy, maybe i should get him to some grass." then, on second thought, "nah, he'll make it across. this street's not too busy." so i continue my sorry excuse for a run...who knew one could get so out of shape in a little over a month? pathetic, i know. so i take a few ragged strides forward and i look ahead. oh no. the turtle's buddy. very unfortunate fate for this little guy. death by tire smooshing. i turn around and look at the turtle i left behind. guilt seizes me. i run back and say a quick prayer that he won't get a go-go gadget neck to turn and bite me when i pick him up. i pick him up about as far back on the shell as i can get, just in case this is some sort of super turtle with a crane neck (hey, you never know). then i place him in the grass. and yes, this was my act of kindness. lame to some, but for me quite courageous since i totally got the heebie jeebies about picking him up. then i continue on in the torturing of my body and look to my left. there to my left is one of the most horrifying of all of God's creatures. a vulture. waiting for me to pass so he can go dig in to my turtle's buddy (yes, he is now "my" turtle). ewwwwww. if i didn't have the heebies before i definitely have them now! so i run as fast as i can for about 10 seconds just to get away from the massacre that's about to take place. disgusting. but glad at least one turtle was saved from such a brutality. gold star.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
target fun
so i have to confess, i've been a bit of a slacker the last few days. i've felt crappy from a sinus infection and it was really all i could do to leave the house yesterday to run a few errands. so please forgive me. i have not given up on my acts of kindness, but i did miss a few days from being sick. but i did have fun today at target...well, to be honest, i always have fun at target. it's like my mini disneyworld that is just a few minutes from my house. i mean, seriously, everything you need in one store? who doesn't love that? so, i decided that this might actually be something that could sort of involve my children without sending me over the edge.
when i was clipping coupons this morning i decided, "you know, it might be nice to clip some of the coupons i don't use and tape them to the products at the store. i know i LOVE it when that happens to me, so why not do it for someone else." so most of the coupons i cut were for non-food items like razors, lotions, medicines, etc. (no i am not ashy with hairy legs, i just don't use these particular products). so when we got to the store i let the kids tape the coupon on the product. this, of course, led to fighting but luckily there were enough to go around so it wasn't too chaotic. i have no idea if anyone else appreciates this but me; but i've seen those crazy couponers with their baseball card notebooks full of all the precious savings they find on the internet and in the paper. they would never pay full price for any item no matter how much it is necessary to your life. no coupon for toothpaste? they'll use baking soda. no toilet paper? use paper towels...and pray like mad that it flushes. out of soap? just use shampoo, no one will know the difference. i'm only kidding, well, except for the paper towel thing... sometimes you just forget to buy toilet paper. i can't make too much fun of these folks b/c in the last 6 months i've become a couponer myself. now since i'm only a rookie, i just use the little wallet-size accordian file folder thing. but i'm getting pretty good at it and saving money...which my husband is always a big fan of. but anyway, today's act of kindness was for the crazy couponers! and yes, it is impolite to sigh and foot tap when these people check out. just b/c you didn't plan ahead and clip 20 coupons to save $8 dollars does not mean you need to be nasty.
when i was clipping coupons this morning i decided, "you know, it might be nice to clip some of the coupons i don't use and tape them to the products at the store. i know i LOVE it when that happens to me, so why not do it for someone else." so most of the coupons i cut were for non-food items like razors, lotions, medicines, etc. (no i am not ashy with hairy legs, i just don't use these particular products). so when we got to the store i let the kids tape the coupon on the product. this, of course, led to fighting but luckily there were enough to go around so it wasn't too chaotic. i have no idea if anyone else appreciates this but me; but i've seen those crazy couponers with their baseball card notebooks full of all the precious savings they find on the internet and in the paper. they would never pay full price for any item no matter how much it is necessary to your life. no coupon for toothpaste? they'll use baking soda. no toilet paper? use paper towels...and pray like mad that it flushes. out of soap? just use shampoo, no one will know the difference. i'm only kidding, well, except for the paper towel thing... sometimes you just forget to buy toilet paper. i can't make too much fun of these folks b/c in the last 6 months i've become a couponer myself. now since i'm only a rookie, i just use the little wallet-size accordian file folder thing. but i'm getting pretty good at it and saving money...which my husband is always a big fan of. but anyway, today's act of kindness was for the crazy couponers! and yes, it is impolite to sigh and foot tap when these people check out. just b/c you didn't plan ahead and clip 20 coupons to save $8 dollars does not mean you need to be nasty.
Monday, May 17, 2010
fun with strangers
so, i'm sorry i haven't posted in a while but it seems that i'm not so much a multi-tasker. not really a news flash to me, but some of you may not have known that about me. but rest assured, i am still doing my little acts of kindness. last week, i did a lot of note writing. i found that after spending a small fortune at the grocery store on the sandwich debacle, i may need to find a way to love my neighbor without putting my family in the poor house. so i've been writing notes. really just notes to friends and family. i think i like it b/c i'm not very good at affirming people verbally. i'm much better on paper (or a cute notecard from anthropologie...their home section makes me happy). i'm sort of a thoughtless person when it comes to that. it's not that i don't think nice things about people; it just doesn't really dawn on me to tell them. i wish i were better at it b/c who doesn't love a word of encouragement every now and then. for example, i know it would make my day if someone told me, "you can't even see your muffin top in that shirt!" well, maybe not. anyway, so i've written some notes for some people in my life; just telling them how they've encouraged me in my journey.
but i have to say, my favorite acts have been to strangers. i think it's b/c i'm a person that loves to be surprised. so, instead of being the surprisee, i got to be the surpriser. if you have not done this, it's really fun. i went and got ice cream last weekend by myself and a mother and son walked in. immediately, i got nervous. i knew i wanted to buy their ice cream but i was getting kind of embarrassed about asking if i could. and for those of you who don't know, i flush very easily so it's not hard to tell when i'm nervous. so as the mom was getting out her wallet to pay i just asked if it would be ok if i bought their ice cream. she, then, proceeded to look at me like i was definitely from outer space. she was quite baffled at why i would want to do that. i told her i just really wanted to. so she let me and was very gracious about it, as was her son. then she told me, "i guess people are right about the south, they are nice here". then she told me her family had just moved from wisconsin. and i thought, well God, you just always seem to know what you're doing don't you? it always amazes me how God knows exactly what we need when we need it. another fun thing was buying coffe for the person behind me in the drive thru at starbucks. someone did it for me not long ago and it totally made my day! why are we so surprised when people are nice? i know i am. when someone i don't know does something nice for me, i'm always shocked, like truly shocked. this is not how it should be friends. it's so easy for me to get caught up in my bubble and not notice the people around me. and i can get the attitude of "i take care of my business, you should take care of yours". i'm pretty sure this is not a "love thy neighbor" attitude. so, friends, i encourage you to be a good neighbor and shock someone today!
but i have to say, my favorite acts have been to strangers. i think it's b/c i'm a person that loves to be surprised. so, instead of being the surprisee, i got to be the surpriser. if you have not done this, it's really fun. i went and got ice cream last weekend by myself and a mother and son walked in. immediately, i got nervous. i knew i wanted to buy their ice cream but i was getting kind of embarrassed about asking if i could. and for those of you who don't know, i flush very easily so it's not hard to tell when i'm nervous. so as the mom was getting out her wallet to pay i just asked if it would be ok if i bought their ice cream. she, then, proceeded to look at me like i was definitely from outer space. she was quite baffled at why i would want to do that. i told her i just really wanted to. so she let me and was very gracious about it, as was her son. then she told me, "i guess people are right about the south, they are nice here". then she told me her family had just moved from wisconsin. and i thought, well God, you just always seem to know what you're doing don't you? it always amazes me how God knows exactly what we need when we need it. another fun thing was buying coffe for the person behind me in the drive thru at starbucks. someone did it for me not long ago and it totally made my day! why are we so surprised when people are nice? i know i am. when someone i don't know does something nice for me, i'm always shocked, like truly shocked. this is not how it should be friends. it's so easy for me to get caught up in my bubble and not notice the people around me. and i can get the attitude of "i take care of my business, you should take care of yours". i'm pretty sure this is not a "love thy neighbor" attitude. so, friends, i encourage you to be a good neighbor and shock someone today!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
sandwiches
well, this week kicked off my 40 acts of kindness in 40 days. i've been grateful that when i've asked God what he wants me to do He has answered. and with the nashville flood, i should be able to find plenty to do! so this week i've watched my neighbors' kids b/c she had to take one of hers to the emergency room, wrote a letter thanking one of my childhood doctors who took very good care of me when i was quite sick, got clothes together for a family that lost their home in the flood and i made sandwiches. yes, sandwiches.
considering all that's gone on in nashville, i wanted my 1st act of kindness to be for some people who lost their homes in the flood. so i got my kids together and told them that we were going to take lunch to one of the red cross shelters in the franklin area. we head to the grocery to get all the things we'll need to make sandwiches, bags of chips and bottled water. at this point i'm feeling a bit proud of myself thinking, "look at me, mother of the year, teaching her children to help those in need. gold star." well, that attitude quickly dissipates when i'm snapping at my kids to "quit putting your hands all over the deli meat! only one piece of cheese on the sandwiches! no you can't eat the cheese! quit licking your fingers!" and on, and on, and on. obviously, i had to cash in my gold star. letting my kids help me was completely stressing me out! i was being the complete opposite of kind. so after much handwashing and apologies to my children we had made 40+ sandwiches to take to the shelter.
i had called the red cross that morning to get a better idea of what i should bring and where i should bring it. but after the fifth time on hold and someone directing me to an answering machine, i hung up and decided i would just bring what i wanted and that would just have to be ok.
around 11:15 i get my kids and the food loaded in the car and we're off. i first need to mention that i had originally thought i would take the food to our local fire station so they could deliver it to the best possible location. incorrect assumption. yeah, they don't really do that. thanks, snotty brentwood, for really lending a helping hand. so i ask where the closest shelter is and they direct me to franklin.
get kids back in the car and head south. we show up at the church/shelter and figure out where to park and go in. i give my 3 yr old daughter a bag of sandwiches to carry b/c this makes her feel like she's important and helpful. i go to the red cross desk and tell them "hi, i've made some lunches for the people staying here. i was wondering where i need to put them?" i am met with this:"we only accept certain food here. we can't take your sandwiches." and this is where i wanted to melt into a teeny, tiny puddle and disappear. my pitiful looking daughter and her sad bag of sandwiches would have felt the same way, except she's not old enough to understand what complete humiliation looks like. hallelujah. she then went on to tell me:"we only have 2 people here so, we really don't need that much food anyway." insert here: THINGS I WISH I HAD KNOWN BEFORE I MADE 40+ SANDWICHES! another item on this list, YOU DON'T ACCEPT SANDWICHES! i really almost started crying at this point. this little good deed that had me so puffed up with pride had taken me all morning. it had caused me extreme stress. it had made me bite my kids' heads off and later apologize. and you're telling me you're not going to accept any of my friggin kindness! and then, what i can only assume was an angel of the Lord came in and said:"you know, i'm going back to our local office and would be happy to take your food. they distribute it where it needs to go." insert here: beam of sunlight shining down on sweet woman. i'm so thankful for this sweet woman who seemed to understand that i was completely deflated with my 3 kids standing by watching. she graciously brought her car around and we put the food in the back of her car. and yes, 3 yr old daughter proudly handed her the bag of sandwiches she had helped mom make.
when we got in the car to drive home, i found myself crying. not sobbing, but weepy crying. you know, the pitiful kind. feeling sorry for myself b/c my act of kindness went seemingly unappreciated. i was sad. my grand gesture was a flop. when i look back on this moment in the car, i realize what i should have been sad about was not the fact that my sandwiches went unappreciated; i should be sad about the fact that i completely missed the point of this whole experiment. instead of doing something gracious for someone else, i had made this act about me. i had made it ugly b/c i really wanted credit for my time spent making something for someone in need. i thought i was some kind of big deal for doing something nice. well, "bless my heart"! (southern speak for "you're an idiot!") i'm so grateful that i serve a God that teaches humility. well, at that moment in the car i wasn't, but looking back i'm glad he did. if he had not humbled me, i would have gone on being pretty proud of myself for being such a good samaritan, giving no credit to God for what he did through me. is anyone else having deja vu....does the half marathon ring any bells? how quickly i forget. it's not about me. doing good for others is not about me...it's about being the hands and feet of Jesus. i should be doing things not so i can think i'm pretty great but to let others know that He's pretty great.
the next day during my devotion i came across a verse that put me in my place. it says: "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work in us, to him be the glory..." eph. 3:20-21. i wanted the glory for 40 sandwiches. seriously? this verse just told me that if i let him use his power through me....well, i wouldn't be bragging about no stinkin' sandwiches, b/c he would be doing much much more through me. i think the difference is that during this act, my heart wasn't in what my hands were doing. i think when your heart is in what your hands and feet are doing, that's when the selflessness comes. that's when God makes stuff happen. so, i resolve to do better. not b/c i can, but b/c i believe jesus can. "He must become greater, i must become less."
considering all that's gone on in nashville, i wanted my 1st act of kindness to be for some people who lost their homes in the flood. so i got my kids together and told them that we were going to take lunch to one of the red cross shelters in the franklin area. we head to the grocery to get all the things we'll need to make sandwiches, bags of chips and bottled water. at this point i'm feeling a bit proud of myself thinking, "look at me, mother of the year, teaching her children to help those in need. gold star." well, that attitude quickly dissipates when i'm snapping at my kids to "quit putting your hands all over the deli meat! only one piece of cheese on the sandwiches! no you can't eat the cheese! quit licking your fingers!" and on, and on, and on. obviously, i had to cash in my gold star. letting my kids help me was completely stressing me out! i was being the complete opposite of kind. so after much handwashing and apologies to my children we had made 40+ sandwiches to take to the shelter.
i had called the red cross that morning to get a better idea of what i should bring and where i should bring it. but after the fifth time on hold and someone directing me to an answering machine, i hung up and decided i would just bring what i wanted and that would just have to be ok.
around 11:15 i get my kids and the food loaded in the car and we're off. i first need to mention that i had originally thought i would take the food to our local fire station so they could deliver it to the best possible location. incorrect assumption. yeah, they don't really do that. thanks, snotty brentwood, for really lending a helping hand. so i ask where the closest shelter is and they direct me to franklin.
get kids back in the car and head south. we show up at the church/shelter and figure out where to park and go in. i give my 3 yr old daughter a bag of sandwiches to carry b/c this makes her feel like she's important and helpful. i go to the red cross desk and tell them "hi, i've made some lunches for the people staying here. i was wondering where i need to put them?" i am met with this:"we only accept certain food here. we can't take your sandwiches." and this is where i wanted to melt into a teeny, tiny puddle and disappear. my pitiful looking daughter and her sad bag of sandwiches would have felt the same way, except she's not old enough to understand what complete humiliation looks like. hallelujah. she then went on to tell me:"we only have 2 people here so, we really don't need that much food anyway." insert here: THINGS I WISH I HAD KNOWN BEFORE I MADE 40+ SANDWICHES! another item on this list, YOU DON'T ACCEPT SANDWICHES! i really almost started crying at this point. this little good deed that had me so puffed up with pride had taken me all morning. it had caused me extreme stress. it had made me bite my kids' heads off and later apologize. and you're telling me you're not going to accept any of my friggin kindness! and then, what i can only assume was an angel of the Lord came in and said:"you know, i'm going back to our local office and would be happy to take your food. they distribute it where it needs to go." insert here: beam of sunlight shining down on sweet woman. i'm so thankful for this sweet woman who seemed to understand that i was completely deflated with my 3 kids standing by watching. she graciously brought her car around and we put the food in the back of her car. and yes, 3 yr old daughter proudly handed her the bag of sandwiches she had helped mom make.
when we got in the car to drive home, i found myself crying. not sobbing, but weepy crying. you know, the pitiful kind. feeling sorry for myself b/c my act of kindness went seemingly unappreciated. i was sad. my grand gesture was a flop. when i look back on this moment in the car, i realize what i should have been sad about was not the fact that my sandwiches went unappreciated; i should be sad about the fact that i completely missed the point of this whole experiment. instead of doing something gracious for someone else, i had made this act about me. i had made it ugly b/c i really wanted credit for my time spent making something for someone in need. i thought i was some kind of big deal for doing something nice. well, "bless my heart"! (southern speak for "you're an idiot!") i'm so grateful that i serve a God that teaches humility. well, at that moment in the car i wasn't, but looking back i'm glad he did. if he had not humbled me, i would have gone on being pretty proud of myself for being such a good samaritan, giving no credit to God for what he did through me. is anyone else having deja vu....does the half marathon ring any bells? how quickly i forget. it's not about me. doing good for others is not about me...it's about being the hands and feet of Jesus. i should be doing things not so i can think i'm pretty great but to let others know that He's pretty great.
the next day during my devotion i came across a verse that put me in my place. it says: "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work in us, to him be the glory..." eph. 3:20-21. i wanted the glory for 40 sandwiches. seriously? this verse just told me that if i let him use his power through me....well, i wouldn't be bragging about no stinkin' sandwiches, b/c he would be doing much much more through me. i think the difference is that during this act, my heart wasn't in what my hands were doing. i think when your heart is in what your hands and feet are doing, that's when the selflessness comes. that's when God makes stuff happen. so, i resolve to do better. not b/c i can, but b/c i believe jesus can. "He must become greater, i must become less."
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